A Nativity Story

A dimly lit stable with a thatched roof. A trough filled with hay. A young woman in her 20’s gazes down at a peaceful, sleeping baby, while her husband looks on in adoration. Shepherds in cloaks gather around the new parents. The sheep stand completely still and silent as the animals look on in amazement. Three strangers from a far off land stand across from the shepherds holding gifts to present to the newborn infant.

A familiar scene.

Almost picturesque in its simplicity and tradition.

However, I would venture that our understanding of this timeless story is based less on the actual Biblical texts and more on a combination of cultural retellings and vague childhood church memories. I revisited the Biblical texts of the story this afternoon to once again delineate in my mind fact from fiction; to remind myself of the magnitude of this historical event; and to allow the clay figures sitting on my dresser to have a greater purpose and meaning this holiday season.

An Engagement

“The angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus…”

“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.” – Luke 1:26

The age of Mary is not mentioned in either Gospel account of the birth of Christ (Matthew or Luke). However, Jewish tradition would place Mary somewhere between the ages of 12 and 14. It was customary in that era for Jewish marriages to be arranged by the parents of the bride and the groom. This typically occurred when girls entered adolescence. For legal purposes, the contract was considered binding upon the arrangement, though the wedding ceremony and consummation of the marriage would often occur much later. During the engagement period, the young bride would remain living in her parents’ home. If the bride became pregnant prior to the official wedding ceremony and consummation, she would face public disgrace and possibly even death.  

It was during this time of engagement that an angel, Gabriel, visited Mary who was engaged to be married to a carpenter named Joseph. The angel told Mary that she would bear a child, Jesus, and that this child would be the Son of God.

Pause.

Imagine a young girl, a child, tasked by God with carrying the promised Messiah that had been foretold for thousands of years prior to the visit of the angel. Mary’s concerns were great. She had much to fear. How would her parents react? How would Joseph, the man she was engaged to marry, respond? What would the townspeople say? Would she be stoned, beaten, or worse, put to death? Why had God chosen her? How would she even become pregnant? What did all of this mean? How would she raise the Son of God? Would Joseph leave her? Would she raise the child alone?

Upon hearing the news of Mary’s pregnancy, Joseph made plans to divorce Mary quietly to avoid exposing her to public disgrace. The Gospel of Matthew says that as Joseph was considering the divorce an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. The angel told Joseph that he should not fear taking Mary home as his wife and that what was conceived in her was from God.

Again, this visit from the angel must have sparked more questions than answers. However, with grace, Mary trusted God and with integrity, Joseph obeyed God and stood by Mary despite public shame and outcry.

A Census

“In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered.  This was the first registration when Quirinius was governor of Syria.  And all went to be registered, each to his own town. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the town of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child.” – Luke 2

The road from Nazareth to Bethlehem was an arduous one.  Matthew and Luke provide little detail regarding the roughly 80 mile journey, as early readers of the text would have been familiar with such journeys and terrains. Our modern minds require more context. The route to Bethlehem was anything but simple. At times, Mary and Joseph would have been faced with steep, rocky, hills and embankments interrupted only by stretches of dry desert flatland. The couple would have been exposed to all of the elements: rain, wind, temperature drops at night, and wild animals common to the Judean desert.  Additionally, robbers and thieves often waited along the trade routes for unsuspecting travelers.  

Many renditions of the Nativity story place Mary on the back of a donkey. This may very well have been the case, given cultural norms, however the Bible never specifically mentions a donkey. We do know that Mary was likely far along in her pregnancy during the difficult journey. Most versions of the Nativity story show Mary and Joseph arriving in Bethlehem on the night of her delivery frantically looking for a place to stay, however, the couple may have been in Bethlehem a few days prior to the delivery if not longer. The Bible only says, “While they were there (Bethlehem), the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son.” (Luke 2:6)

A Manger

Jesus was born in a stable outside of Bethlehem, because there was no room for Mary and Joseph in the inn. Right? Enter adorable Pig-Pen playing the role of innkeeper in A Charlie Brown Christmas.

If you’re anything like me, growing up, I thought of this “inn” as an ancient Marriott. I was always quite appalled at the Bethlehem townspeople for not making room for a pregnant Mary. Surely there was an extra room or at the very least a sister hotel chain down the road. The Greek word for “inn” used in the Biblical texts is commonly translated as “guest room.” Given cultural norms of the day, upon arriving in Joseph’s ancestral hometown, Mary and Joseph would have likely attempted to stay with family. However, there may not have been room in the living quarters or guest rooms given that all of Joseph’s family members were required to be in town for the census. At that point, Mary and Joseph may have elected to stay in a lower level room of the family home where animals were often kept inside for safe keeping at night. It was not uncommon in that era for mangers and troughs to be located inside the house for that reason, particularly on the ground level. The words “stable” and “cave” are not mentioned in either Biblical account of the birth of Christ. The idea that Jesus was born in a stable outside of Bethlehem has become part of our tradition likely because the Bible mentions the baby being placed in the manger. The exact location of the delivery within Bethlehem is unknown.

However, we do know that shepherds visited Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus following the delivery. As evidenced by the fact that modern day women do not invite odorous, loud cattle and sheep into their hospital rooms during delivery, it is safe to assume that this created quite the scene on that miraculous night in Bethlehem.

A Visit

“Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the East came to Jerusalem, saying ‘Where is He who has been born King of the Jews? For we have seen His star in the East and have come to worship Him.’”

Growing up, I never thought to question the three random men in fancy gold robes standing beside Mary on the night of her delivery. Who were these men? What was their purpose? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I enjoyed saying the words “frankincense” and “myrrh.”

Though the Bible does not state how many wise men visited the baby Jesus, Nativity scenes traditionally depict three men as there were three gifts presented to the child: gold, frankincense, and myrrh. The Bible offers very little detail regarding these men, except to say that they were from “the East,” most likely Persia.  The word “magi,” used interchangeably with the term “wise men” in the Biblical texts, originally referred to a line of Persian priests who were interested in signs and astrology.

There is no evidence to suggest that these wise men were present on the night of the delivery. In fact, based on the timeline laid out in the remaining chapters of Matthew and Luke, the wise men may have visited Jesus as late as age 2. “After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem.” –Matthew 2:1

A Question

There is a great deal of mystery surrounding the birth of Christ. Though it is fascinating to further study and corroborate the varying interpretations of the many peripheral facts, only one seems to truly matter, Jesus was born.

It was an event of historical significance. In fact, for centuries we have measured time itself by the birth of Christ. However, the person of Jesus is not unique to Christianity alone. Many people, even other world religions, affirm that a man named Jesus was born, lived, and died over 2,000 years ago. There is, however, a vital fork in the road. Though many believe Jesus was born and walked the earth, there are widely differing perspectives on his deity and what He came to accomplish.

These are questions worth asking: Who is Jesus? Why was the birth of one child so significant?

There are many answers to these questions. Tonight, I share mine.

This coming Wednesday night at candlelight Christmas Eve services across the country and around the world masses will sing the songs of the season. We are all guilty of mindlessly reciting the century-old lyrics, but have you considered the words?

“Long lay the world in sin and error pining, ‘till he appeared and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.” – O Holy Night

“No more let sins and sorrows grow, nor thorns infest the ground. He comes to make His blessings flow, far the curse is found” – Joy to the World

“Radiant beams from thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace.” – Silent Night

“Peace on earth, and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!” –Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

God and sinners reconciled? The dawn of redeeming grace? Yonder breaks a new and glorious morn? Thorns and cursed ground? Huh?

What does this have to do with a baby in a manger?

Everything.

Just as I could not convey the meaning of the Lord of the Rings trilogy by describing the first 30 seconds of the first movie, it would be impossible to explain the significance of Jesus by only describing His birth.

The Christmas story begins in Genesis. The very first chapter, the very first verse. God created a perfect, sinless world. He created man in His image. Only a few chapters in, sin enters the picture. God tells Adam and Eve that because of their disobedience, the ground is now cursed.

“He comes to make His blessings flow, far the curse is found”

God tells Adam and Even that there will now be struggle. There will now be sin.  

“Long lay the world in sin and error pining”

There will now be separation between a perfect God and sinful man.

"God and sinners reconciled!"

The Old Testament is filled with prophecies of a coming Messiah, a Savior, a Lord, from the line of David, who would become a mediator between God and man. A solution to the problem of sin.

“Joy to the world! The Lord is come!”

He would reign with grace. Man would no longer require the sacrifice of animals to atone for sin, rather, God Himself would become flesh, walk among us for 33 years, and become a final sacrifice through an excruciating death on a cross. He would be our redeemer.

“With the dawn of redeeming grace”

The Christmas story does not end there, on a cross or in a tomb. After three days, Jesus would raise from the dead, conquering death and the grave, and opening the door for all who put their faith and trust in Him to find forgiveness of sin.  Perhaps the greatest Christmas verse in the Bible is not found in the accounts of the birth of Christ, but in the Gospel of John where it is written, “For God so loved the world, that He sent His only son, that whoever believes in Him would never perish, but have eternal life.”

A Reminder

The shepherds

The wise men

Mary & Joseph

All central figures in the Nativity story.

However, there were other characters along the way. We never met them, but common sense would tell us that in the course of 9 months of pregnancy, 80 miles of travel, and months spent in Bethlehem, Mary and Joseph would have interacted with a large number of individuals. Some may have scoffed and yet others may have been of great help and assistance to the couple. However, one thing is certain. No one, not even the central figures in the story could have possibly fathomed the magnitude of that moment in history.

They were ordinary people in an extraordinary moment.

The miraculous was taking place. History was unfolding before them. God was intervening on earth.

Many were completely unaware.

On a much lesser scale, we also often find ourselves in the presence of the miraculous and remain completely oblivious to the magnitude of the moment.

After all, God is Emmanuel. He is with us; that is the great gift of Christmas. He is not a silent, distant, God who does not concern Himself in the affairs of men. His joy, His peace, His love, everything that He came to earth to bring can be seen all around: in a stranger helping an elderly woman across the street; a neighbor shoveling the driveway of a single mother next door; a soldier giving his life for those he fights alongside; a kind word that touches a heart or motivates a life; a thoughtful gift that reminds us we are known and loved.

Let us not be caught unaware this Christmas season of the extraordinary moments taking place all around us. Where possible, let us do all within our power to create these moments for others. Let us share the joy, peace, love, and grace that the birth of Jesus brings and most of all, let us not limit it to a season.

Listen

As a child, my concept of listening was simple and concrete. To listen was to not speak, to be silent.

When a teacher raised their hand in school, demanding the attention of the class, I responded by being silent. Their raised hand meant that I was not allowed to speak, not that I was required to listen to what they were about to say.

Consider the amount of time spent in our childhood and adolescent years developing the art of speaking. As toddlers we are repeatedly taught words and phrases as speaking skills are considered a vital milestone in a child’s growth and development. As school children, we are taught to expand our vocabulary and even take on second languages. In comparison, very little time is spent developing effective listening skills.

This lack of development is further complicated by our technology driven culture. Distractions are always readily available. We likely spend more time in front of screens than we do in front of people. Even our social interactions have become increasingly screen-based with the rise of social media. Interestingly enough, one of the primary drivers behind social media seems to be the desire of people to be seen and heard. And yet, it seems that social media can often prevent us from truly seeing or hearing those around us.

These potential obstacles to good listening are not insurmountable. They can and should be overcome. There is great value in listening. Good listeners can be as powerful and magnetic, if not more so, than great orators.

My view of what it means to listen has changed significantly since childhood. I have learned that listening is much more than silence. And yet, no matter how much knowledge and experience I obtain in the art of effective listening, I still find that at times I am a terrible listener. Perhaps you feel the same. Like many skills in life, I find that listening requires discipline.

I have an accounting degree, so I am certainly not qualified to conduct research or provide concrete answers regarding human behavior and communication skills. However, that which I have seen and experienced in my own life, I gladly share.

Listening: Ping Pong

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply."
-Stephen R. Covey

We have all been guilty of this. Another person is speaking and rather than focusing on their words and ideas with the intent of understanding, our mind is spinning. We are trying to construct and formulate the perfect response, the witty response, the clever response, the crushing response, or whatever the case may be. We see this on full display in political debates. One side speaks, while the other side plans a rebuttal.

Good listeners seek to understand before seeking to be understood. They are engaged and focused on what the other person is saying. For illustration purposes, imagine for a moment two colleagues engaged in a conversation around politics or a relevant news story.

In the first scenario, the conversation moves back and forth across the table like a ping pong game. Neither side listens to the other. Rather, as one person speaks, the other uses that opportunity to build a response. The listener sits there almost shaking in anticipation, waiting for that moment where words stop coming out of the speaker’s mouth so words can start coming out of their own. Both sides walk away from the conversation completely unheard and completely unchanged. 

Imagine a second scenario where instead of simply taking turns exchanging noise, the listener uses the time the speaker is talking to process, understand, and formulate clarifying questions. “You mentioned ________, could you elaborate? I want to make sure I understand.” “I’d be curious to hear more of your thoughts on ________.” “Why do you think that is?” Perhaps the willingness to listen on one side would be contagious and cause the speaker to respond in kind. Or perhaps only one side would choose to listen and the other side would retain the primary role as speaker. Either way, the listener would walk away from the conversation with a much greater understanding of the speaker’s viewpoint. The speaker would feel more validated and heard and both sides would at least allow themselves the opportunity to be impacted and changed.

Even in a less heated exchange, we have all been guilty of waiting for someone to stop speaking not so we could respond/react to their words, but rather so we could deliver a joke, story, or even unrelated comment that we were developing as they spoke.

Good listeners seek to understand, not to reply.

Listening: Squirrel!

"You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time." -M. Scott Peck

There is a profound difference between listening and hearing. Most of us have experienced a conversation with someone who is clearly distracted. Upon pausing or acknowledging their distraction, they attempt to prove to us that they are listening by reciting our words back to us, “I’m listening. You were talking about your weekend and your hiking trip.” The only thing this proves is that they heard us, not that they were listening to us.

Admittedly, we live in an age of distraction. It is practically inescapable. The reality is, there will be times where we either need to or choose to check our phones, respond to texts, or read emails during conversations. There are times we will allow ourselves to be distracted by a TV show, a sports game, or the environment around us. After all, we are only human. Most of us do not have the capacity to be fully focused on our present conversation or present company at all times.

Though it may be impossible to completely eliminate distractions, good listening often requires minimizing these distractions. We have all struggled to hold a conversation with someone who clearly wanted to be somewhere else. It can leave a bad and bitter taste. Granted our view of self should not rise and fall based on the way others respond to us. We have just as much value and worth regardless of whether the person we are speaking to acknowledges or appreciates that or not. However, as stated earlier, we are only human and are not immune to hurt and disappointment. I have left conversations feeling like the least captivating/interesting person on earth. I have left conversations feeling incapable of holding someone’s attention. Sadly, I am sure that I have caused others to feel this same way at times, which is an upsetting thought to say the least.

Good listeners minimize distractions. They understand that the person speaking is more important than other things that would compete for their attention in that moment. They understand that sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone is our attention. Good listeners recognize the difference between hearing and truly listening.

I have learned over the years to be open and honest when I find myself distracted. It can be as simple as:

“Let me send this text before we start talking.”

“I’m going to check the game score quickly as we walk.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t really listening, can you please start again? I really want to hear.”

I am never upset by someone saying these things to me and I find that others respond similarly. Everyone understands the temptation of distraction. Pausing and admitting distraction shows your intent to truly listen and is typically well-received by the speaker. 

Listening: Empathy

"Empathy takes time, and efficiency is for things, not people." Stephen Covey

Empathetic listening is crucial, and yet very difficult to employ on a regular basis. Empathy is commonly defined as, “An ability to imagine oneself in another's place and understand the other's feelings, desires, ideas, and actions.”

Imagine a friend shares with me, “My boss asked me to travel to Florida this week to speak at a conference….” I casually respond with, “That’s great! The weather will be so nice there this time of year! Have fun!” A harmless response at first glance. However, what I have done is project my own personal response onto the speaker. I have projected how I would feel if I had been asked to go to Florida. The empathetic listener thinks…

They mentioned last time that they don’t like traveling because they miss their children

Their mother is really sick, it will probably be hard for them to get away

They hate public speaking, this is probably a stressful trip for them

The empathetic listener does not project their own thoughts and feelings onto the speaker, but rather stands in the speaker’s shoes. Empathetic listening requires a great deal of effort for this reason. An empathetic listener uses their heart, mind, and memory to hear what is being said, not just their ears.

Listen: Magnet

"Friends are those rare people who ask how we are, and then wait to hear the answer." -Ed Cunningham

The art of listening is inseparable from the art of effective question-asking. Good listeners tend to be inquisitive. Asking someone “How was your holiday?” will likely initiate a conversation and provide an opportunity to listen that may not have otherwise been provided. However oftentimes, there is an even better question to ask. A close friend may open up with such a general, broad question. However, others may require more encouragement. For example, “Did your sister make it home for the holiday weekend?” This moves the conversation past a response of, “The holiday went well” and begins to offer the other person a place to start and a foundation to build the conversation on. This is a specific question which will likely lead to a specific answer and open the door for further questions. Perhaps an even better question if you know the individual is, “Did Sarah (“sister” in this case) make it home for the holiday weekend? She just had a baby, right?” This personalizes the question and shows a history of listening and understanding.

Practically speaking, I attempt to construct meaningful questions through my cell phone. On a somewhat regular basis, I glance through my text messages and list of contacts. As I see a name, I think back to the last time I spoke with that person and what was said in the exchange. Did they mention an upcoming vacation, doctor’s appointment, or wedding? Did they share something personal with me that I have yet to follow up on? Did they share exciting news I could ask more about? This allows me to construct thoughtful follow up questions for our next encounter or reminds me to send an email/text/card to follow up more immediately. After all, I genuinely care and want to know, but in the midst of busyness, knowing can often require some intentionality.

It is important to use discernment in the area of question-asking. Some questions can serve to initiate and further the conversation while other questions can serve to derail the conversation and even stifle it completely. For example, imagine two friends catching up over drinks. One friend is eager to share about an unsettling conversation she had with her mother after a weekend spent at home. She begins setting the stage for her story and shares that her family spent Friday night at a restaurant downtown and casually mentions that they bumped into one of their mutual college friends while at the restaurant. At this point, the conversation moves towards:

“Oh really? How is so-and-so?”
“Oh, she’s fine I think, we didn’t really get a chance to catch up. Like I said, we just bumped into her briefly.”
“Do you remember that trip we took with her in college? Did she end up marrying that guy she was seeing?”

The conversation has now turned towards something the speaker never intended to focus on. If this is a casual conversation, these twists and turns are natural and expected. However, when you observe that something is troubling the person speaking, the only questions that should be asked are clarifying questions. Other points can be revisited later. A good listener allows the speaker to voice their thoughts, concerns, and story fully, asking questions only to better understand what is being said. Good listeners do not interrupt or interject their own agenda.

Questions show interest. People are drawn to those who take an interest in them. Good listeners and good question-askers are often magnetic individuals for this reason.

Listening: Not Right Now

If people truly care about me, they will give me their full, undivided attention whenever I require it, right? Well, not exactly. This is an important point and one worth ending on. Listening is a powerful skill to develop for reasons mentioned above and countless others. However, we will never be perfect listeners and we need to be patient with each other in this regard. I often chuckle when my parents talk over each other or one fails to realize the other is speaking. Do they love each other? More than you could imagine. Do they listen to each other? Yes, they value each other’s thoughts and words above all others. However, they also spend countless hours together during any given week. There is a comfort level there. And while they seek to listen to each other well, there are many times where they fail to do so. And I would argue, that’s okay. Part of the joy of friendship, love, and relationships is bearing with one another; it’s loving people as they are and not as you might like them to be in any given moment.

When I was a child, my parents taught me that what I had to say was valuable. I learned that I was worth listening to. However, they also taught me that I was not the center of their universe. I was not the center of anyone’s universe. There were times I was told, “Not right now” “Don’t interrupt” “I am talking to someone else, you can tell me later.” That was a healthy thing for me to hear as a child and is a beneficial thing for me to remember as an adult. Perhaps the best time to demand someone’s attention isn’t after they return from a stressful day at the office. Perhaps the conversation can wait until after the football game is over. Perhaps the car ride home isn’t an ideal time for an intense debate.

All of that being said:

Who listens to you?

Who values and respects your thoughts, ideas, and opinions?

Are you a good listener?

Who are you failing to listen to and in what ways?

I challenge you as I have challenged myself to take time to listen this week and have grace for yourself and others when you fail to do so perfectly.