“I
have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know
what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any
and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in
want. I can do all this
through him who gives me strength.” –
Philippians 4
We live in an unprecedented era of choice.
It was recently reported in the LA Times that Starbucks offers consumers up to 87,000 drink
combinations. Comcast, the nation's largest cable provider, offers up to 1,000
channels. We are only a few generations removed from a time when televisions across
the country only offered the major networks as viewing options. Yet even with
limited choices, families still gathered and watched. Fast forward sixty years to a new generation of television
viewers who could easily flip through 240 channels and walk away dissatisfied
with the selection.
Beyond our morning coffee and television viewing
options, this idea of choice seems to run even deeper. The world has become
increasingly connected with the rise of the internet and air travel in the last
century. Where should I vacation? Where
should I live? Where should I attend college? Where should I work? Posing these questions to an older generation
may have produced a very small list of possibilities. In today’s society, the
choices are seemingly endless. Even dating has become a game of choice. With
the rise in popularity of websites like Match.com and eHarmony, singles across
the country can browse through a long list of suitable mates from the comfort
of their own home.
But I digress.
This age of choice can be both a wonderful and
dangerous thing. If we are not careful, the existence of so many choices can
leave us dissatisfied with the choices we do make, because our other options
will always be visible to us. Sometimes, the fear of making the wrong choice is
so great, it prevents people from making a choice at all. I need look no
further than my own life for evidence of this pattern.
This idea is not my brainchild. The correlation
between choice and satisfaction/contentment has been discussed at great length
by psychologists (particularly Barry Scwhartz) and researchers much more
educated than myself, who can speak to any actual science behind this idea. I
speak only from experience.
I have learned, and continue to learn, to be content
with my choices. I refuse to let fear of making the wrong choice prevent me
from choosing at all. I have found that with any choice, there are benefits and
consequences, pros and cons, upsides and downsides. However, I have also learned that the mere existence of
consequences, cons, and downsides does not confirm a wrong choice has been
made.
For example, I fully expect to marry an imperfect man.
When his flaws become a point of frustration, it is not a sign that I married
the wrong man or made the wrong choice. If anything, it is a reminder that I
myself am also imperfect and that with God’s help we can learn to love each other
well. Or simpler still, when I decide on weekend plans, I do not
have to spend my time wondering what everyone else is doing or if I am
missing out on something better. I can be fully present and appreciate my current
situation for everything that it is. In doing so, I not only feel more content,
I feel more grateful to be where I am.
There is obviously room for growth and exploration within this choice paradigm. If a job fails to challenge you or another opportunity presents itself, it may be time to make a different job choice. If you live in one city, but would prefer another, it may be time to make a different living choice. Contentment does not equate to laziness. It should never be used as an excuse not to challenge yourself or grow. If you are struggling financially, contentment does not say, “Accept your financial position and learn to be happy with it,” but rather, “Find happiness and gratitude in your circumstances, even as you work to make different choices, and change your financial position.”
The more content I am with my choices, the more grateful I am for my life today and the more inspired I feel to make choices to improve my life for tomorrow.
"Do
nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value
others above yourselves.” -Philippians
2:3
Comparison is a great enemy of contentment and
thankfulness.
If you would allow me to speak in generalities for a
moment, I find this issue to be particularly delicate for women. I am certain
that men also struggle with comparison, but again, I am writing more from my
personal experience as a woman. One hundred years ago, I have to imagine that
women still had a tendency to compare themselves to other women in their social
circles, at their local church, in their neighborhood, etc. However, this proved to be a very narrow group
for comparison. The modern twist is that now women compare themselves not only
with other women in their social circles, but also with complete strangers
across the world. This has been intensified through the rise of social media
sites such as Facebook and Pinterest as well as through the continued cultural
emphasis on celebrities, magazines, and advertising campaigns. Again, none of
these things are intrinsically bad (anyone who knows me knows how much I
appreciate Facebook). However, I have seen the unintentional carnage of this
phenomenon in the lives of women I know and love. If you think I am overstating
the issue, I can assure you, this is a gross understatement, if anything.
After all, it is not enough to make a boxed cake for
your child’s classmates, when another mom on Pinterest made a replica Eiffel
cupcake tower from scratch. It is not enough that you are going to Chicago to
visit a friend this summer, when your friend just posted photos from a Caribbean
cruise. It is not enough that you bought a bunch of bananas at the grocery
store when you have to stare at Jessica Biel’s abs in the check-out line.
Very few things lead to as much comparison among women
as the fight for male attention. Author
Beth Moore once said, “We use guys like mirrors to see if we’re valuable.” Watch
a group of women when a man is only paying attention to one woman in the group. The
Bachelor spends two hours a week showing footage of this very thing.
All of this comparison, whatever the source and cause,
can lead to dissatisfaction, discontentment, and ingratitude.
I remember reaching a point in college where I found
this issue to be so redundant and pervasive in my social circles, that I made a
conscious choice to stop comparing myself with others. In doing so, something
strange happened, I became a more grateful and content person. I not only felt
better about myself, I felt better about other people, as their success,
beauty, and qualities no longer took anything away from the person I was.
I became comfortable in my own skin and in doing so,
took away a world of pressure. If other women had straight blonde hair, that
was great! But I was going to rock curly hair and freckles. If other women were
bubbly and flirtatious and received more male attention, that was fine by me. I
was content with my weird combination of goofy and deep. I learned to be happy
and content in my 20’s, but not to fear 30, 40, or beyond. Our culture is so resistant
to aging. However, I have found that life can be beautiful at any age. We must
be content and thankful for the season we are in. It may lack things other
seasons had. But I can guarantee you, it also has benefits no other season will
have.
Let’s be clear, I have not arrived. I have not reached
some great state in which I no longer experience the temptation of comparison,
insecurity, ingratitude, and discontentment. This is a battle I will fight
until the day that I die. But the important thing is, I fight on.
You cannot love people well if your focus is on
comparison. I am always surprised when the response to a Facebook engagement
announcement or baby photo is: “Everyone is getting engaged before me!” “How do
they already have two kids? I’m so far behind!” This focus on self, which we
have all been guilty of at one time or another, completely robs us of the
ability to love other people. When I choose not to compare, I find that I am
able to answer the call of Philippians 2, and put the interests of others
before my own. I am able to rejoice with that newly engaged couple and get
excited for that couple with two children.
After all, Facebook is often nothing more than a
highlight reel; the best and most noteworthy moments in the lives of others.
That newly engaged couple may have just lost a parent. That growing family
could be struggling financially. We are rarely fully aware of the struggles of
others. Therefore, a comparison of what we know to be our own reality to the
life we imagine someone else to have is rarely a fair comparison.
ANCHORS
If people are ships, we all have anchors. Sometimes we
look to others to be our anchor: a spouse, our friend group, or our family.
Unfortunately, humans are flawed. Even the steadiest, most loyal person, may
move and therefore be the cause of instability or a lack of security in our
lives. Sometimes we look to a job, money, beauty, or success to anchor our
life. Again, storms can move these anchors and our ship can experience great
destruction. For me personally, I have found an anchor in Jesus. He is an
immovable force in my life. Storms have certainly come. My ship has been
rocked, but I have not been moved. It is in Jesus, that I find 10,000 reasons every
day to be both perfectly content and thankful.
